You've already won

Everyday, I wake up and it’s like the devil says, “give up.”

And everyday I say, “no.”

I’m starting to think he’s getting really angry, because everyday it feels like it gets worse and worse. I’ll get a bad grade on a test, or my friend and I will fight, sometimes he’ll even let things get a little better just so he can rip off the band aid and make it seem even more unbearable when things go wrong.

Today, I got into a car accident. It was my first one in 3 and a half years of driving. My entire bumper came off, the airbag deployed, I got a ticket and it was a hit and run.

My heart hurt, literally, that airbag came so fast. But, more importantly, I felt angry that God could tell me he would bless me just to let something like this happen.

I really wanted to give up.

Satan was screaming in my ear, but I still said no.

The events of this semester have left me feeling really lonely. However, today I was left with something different.

When the devil said “no one cares, not even the guy in front of you. This was a hit and run. You hit and people run, you are worthless.” I thought of the man that pulled over to check if I was okay, even though he didn’t have to. I thought of my friend, Ethan who passed just at the right time and stayed while everything was figured out, AND drove my car back to campus because I was scared. I thought of all the cops who tracked down the guy who had left me there. I thought of my parents who were just thankful I was okay. I thought of my brother and sister and their encouraging texts, reminding me that it was just a car and it could’ve been worse. I thought of my brothers girlfriend, who took the time to reach out and make sure I was okay. I thought of my friend, Jeff who had recognized my car on the highway and asked if I was okay. I thought of my coworkers who all took time to listen to me about what happened. I thought of my friend, Maddie who bought me fries and gave me the best hug. I thought of the person who texted me when they passed my car in the parking lot asking what happened.

Satan wanted me to dwell on this one person who abandoned me. However, Jesus reminded me of all the people that cared for me. I felt grateful. Me, this one person was worthy of so many people’s attention and concern? I hadn’t thought so for a while. Even the engineers of my car. My little mazda quite possibly saved my life.

All day I’ve been thinking how differently today could’ve gone. I’m not focusing on, “what if I hadn’t gone?” I’m focusing on the fact that I’m not paralyzed, or dead. I’ve complained so much about my situation recently. However, this car accident was a wake up call. Life is so precious. I am significant. Even regarding this blog. I have so few followers on instagram. I ‘ve wondered if anyone really cares about what I have to say, but I have to believe that the way I am responding to the pain I’ve been enduring is helping someone.

I really hope that someone, is you.

This blogpost is not a pity plea, I just hope that everyone who reads, even one sentence, can see that there is always good amidst so much pain.

I watched a movie last night and it said, "when people are important to God it means they're just as important to Satan" and my friend Jordan, sent me a tweet that said, "satan knows how powerful and impactful you can be on this earth which is why he sneaks in and tries to make you forget your purpose. Don't let him."

Don't.

Your demise is important to Satan, only because he knows your worth. You should too. It is difficult, but you've already won. This is a blogpost for anyone who doesn't know that they are seen. You matter and you are precious. You are powerful and impactful.

However, Satan on the other hand, you might as well just give up.