2017.

At the beginning of 2017 I attended my sweet friend, Jade’s, small group. I was late because I had work, but I made it. The main question was; what is the lord decreeing over your life for 2017? 

My answer? Well I didn’t have one because I didn’t know. However, it didn’t take long to find out. 

The first few weeks were a bit of a whirlwind for me. I was stressed about school and entering into a new relationship. As I went to people I trusted for advice I kept hearing, seeing and thinking the word: ‘breath.’ 

I remember tweeting about it, not knowing what it meant and my friend Jordan direct messaged me something I’ll never forget. She said, “So you know when you talk really fast and have to pause for a big breath? I believe god is telling you take a deep breath, stop talking, and just listen for a while. Listen to Him, listen to the people around you, listen to your situation. Breath, listen, and truly digest everything.” 

I thought I knew how to hear God, but I was so wrong.

I walked through a toxic relationship and it forced me to lean on God like I never had before. God wanted my heart and so I gave it to him. 

It was a lonely and hard year. I had just moved and I felt like I had no friends. I didn’t love the school I went to anymore. My two best friends had gone in different directions and I felt like I had to fend for myself. I even went to church alone. But he used it to speak to me.

There was one day I remember thinking, “I wish I had a church date,” God said, “I’m your date” 

He was always talking even when it didn’t feel like it and even when I knew it, there were still days that I had such a hard time remembering.

It forced me to pray when I didn’t feel like I could. Those moments when all you want to do is cry, those moments when you don’t have the words to speak; they were crippling, but I prayed as best I could. I gave everything I had to God knowing he was faithful, knowing he was doing something greater. I prayed knowing that 2016 taught me about his goodness and it was real even if my circumstances weren’t so good at the time.

It would get better and then it would get worse and I wondered if anything I was doing was worth it. God continued to encourage me and I started saying thank you. 

Stopping, breathing, listening and then saying thank you for what I did have was what changed my whole world. 

Thanksgiving and Christmas was such a special time for me. God placed so many sweet people in my life and I made memories and laughed like I hadn’t in the longest time. I felt like me, the girl with a big goofy grin, the girl who felt her feelings genuinely, who loved fiercely and gave generously. I got my joy back and I would not give up a single bit of this. Now I’m able to love better and help others walking through the same pain, and the best part? God isn’t done.

I’m still growing and learning and figuring out what God sounds like. It isn’t easy, but I’ve come to love each minute of the crazy journey even the difficult ones. I encourage everyone to stop and breath. Listen, trust what God is doing in your life even when it makes no sense and know that he is good and he knows all things. It’ll be hard but nothing will ever compare to he presence of God that overwhelms you. 

Now, my question is; what is God odecreeing over your life this 2018?