The Day Everything Changed

Rewind. Rewind, to May 20, 2016; one of the best days of my life. The day a dream came true. The day I was recognized for everything I accomplished the last 18 years. It was the day everything changed.

And now one year later, I’m writing to you.

They say a lot can happen in a year and when “they,” whoever “they” is, say that you better believe them. I did. Or at least I thought I did. One year ago I liked the idea of change, but now sitting in my ro- sorry, brother’s room (more on that later,) even my opinion on change, has changed.  

On this day one year ago, I was revelling in my graduation from high school. It had been a dream of mine, since 6th grade I might add, to speak at graduation and I did it. It wasn’t just the accomplishment itself though. It was a stepping stone to the real dream. My biggest dream in life is to be an anchor for Good Morning America, with the likes of my favorite reporters such as Robin Roberts. I thought “if I can do this, I can do anything, even be an anchor on GMA,” I still believe that. A lot changed my senior year, mostly my friends. To say it was rough would be an understatement. I made many mistakes and was careless with other people's feelings and at the time I didn’t really care. But don’t worry, they made me pay for it. I doubted myself and cried everyday. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for the better half of six months. It is a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I lost a lot of wonderful and not so wonderful people that year, but I was in fact, “alive and here graduating,” (a line from my speech.) I made amends with those people and learned from my mistakes and genuinely hope they are all doing well, because ultimately they got me to that day; May 20, 2016. I was grateful and still am. By this point I thought, “I’ve been through it all, smooth sailing from here.” I was so wrong.

I mean a lot has stayed the same; I am still the same bubbly, loud, happy, tall, blonde, aspiring-reporter girl I was a year ago. However, in the last year I have physically and emotionally been turned upside down. It started in the summer:

I always wanted to go to college right up until I actually had to leave. I had good friends, an amazing boyfriend and my dream of six years came true! I didn’t think life could get any better. Well turns out it can. I found out we were moving to my favorite place in the whole world, Florida. Another dream come true. Most people would freak out, but I like change. On June 24 of last year I had long awaited facial surgery on my nose! I was born with a deviated septum that blocked air from my left nostril entirely and I, without knowing, had broken it at the age of 10. This left me with a huge and very damaged nose. Nonetheless, another dream come true. Slowly the summer was coming to an end, but I had one more dream. July 7 we left for a three week trip to Europe to see family. Another dream to mark off my list. It was fantastic, but before I knew it, my house was in boxes and the summer was over. Now, I reeeeally didn’t want to go to school. I still didn’t have a dorm room and I was feeling so anxious. The changes were coming a little too fast.

However, once in Florida and after many hard goodbyes, I was fine again. It felt like a vacation. I finally got a dorm and I didn’t feel homeless anymore. My boyfriend and I decided to try long distance and my friends and I called everyday. Life was bliss. Things were still changing but at a much slower rate, a rate I thought I could handle. All that was on my horizon was school. I felt so afraid for college but I knew in my heart that this is where the Lord was leading me. I didn’t know why, but I figured He did, so I went with it.

IT. WAS. FUN.

I made 36 friends a minute and I was in my element. I knew how to make friends, I was good at it, I liked it. However, I still missed home… but which one? Nowhere really felt like home. Not Texas, Colorado, or Florida; and that's when change came at lightning speed.

I set goals for college. I wanted straight A’s, I wanted to be a residential assistant, I wanted to play (Intramural) softball and I wanted to get involved with a church again. I achieved all these things, but the best was I finding myself at north, a young adults ministry. I finally felt at home. But whenever I would visit Florida I got really lonely again. We downsized our home and I no longer had my own room. A change I didn’t think would bother me really got to me. I could never be alone. “But I thought I hated being alone?” I also didn’t, still don’t for that matter, have many friends. “But I thought I was good at making friends?” “But I thought I wanted to move?” Don’t get me wrong, if my parents came to me and said “we're going back to Colorado” I’d freak out. However, it has been a lot more difficult than I anticipated. However, North taught me to embrace this scary time; and I have. I always loved God but I’d never experienced him like this. He used North as a vessel and I got to experience friendships and relationships I never thought I would. I laughed a ton. I cried a lot. I’m not perfect, I’ve stumbled this year and I’ve brought too many people down with me. However, because of those people and those experiences I was able to change and I am now a better friend, person and Christian because of it.  

So why, dear reader, have I told you all this? I have thought about starting a blog for some time but I never knew exactly how I wanted to begin. I’ve always had this gigantic voice, but just because it’s loud doesn’t mean it carries weight. I want my words to have meaning. Well, my a few of my friends are graduating today; same day just one year later. This is for you, and anyone else going through some huge changes. I wish someone would’ve told me. So, here is what I’ve learned; I hope it means something to you:

1. Change is hard
2. Whether you like it or not you will go through lots and lots of changes
3. You will lose people you thought would stay forever
4. You will hurt people
5. People will hurt you
6. Don’t forget that the people around you change too
7. Embracing change is the BEST thing you can do, good attitudes leads to good outcome
8. IT IS WORTH IT

So, no, I don’t love change like I thought I did but I love what it has done for me and my heart. I love how I have changed. While, I’m terrified I’m just as excited to see all the things that are going to change in the year to come. May 20, 2018.